Hero

Hello world. For the past two days I have been listening almost exclusively to Hero by Regina Spektor. Why? That is the question you must ask.

The only other song I have heard is U2's With or Without You. Must have heard it about 7 times today.

Mood Swings

Yesterday night I felt like I was on the verge of Jian Eu 3.0, a brand new beginning to a better me and a better life. At night the thought I went to sleep with was carpe diem. Crazy stuff.

Today I feel like a sick parrot. I feel hopeless and I'm really considering deleting my facebook account. I want to withdraw from the world.

11.52

Oh my God. I'm so screwed. I don't know what I am anymore. Like some jigsaw puzlle haphhazardly put together from many many jigsaws. I'm a bit of everything conflicted together and one graet jumble of influences.

Sense

The artist sees the world differently. The painter looks at the world as though it were painted canvas. Notice the interplay of colours! It's even better with a shortsightedness of at least 200 in power. Without spectacles, the world looks as if it were an impressionist painting. Broad strokes, colours swimming around and into one another, nothing is sharp or well defined, everything an impression. And Stunning.

So the musician would hear the world differently too. That's why I regret not learning music.

Today I feel trapped inside myself. But if I'm not me, then who else?

DELF

J'ai decide prendre l'examination DELF B1 a Novembre.

Quiet Night Broken By Rain

Climb along the rock face of the mountain. The steepness of this face is a little greater than 45 degrees. There are white ropes to hold on for safety. The ledge is not much more or maybe less than a foot. When you shine your headlamp down the side of the mountain, you can't see the bottom. It's very steep. If you slip you will probably slip down to the bottom, its a very long slide and too steep to stop yourself. It's 3 am in the morning.

It starts raining. Water runs off down the surface of the mountainside. Some of this has collected into a waterfall. Supin is asking us to hurry before it gets worse. I lose my balance and almost fall if not for the rope. Gloves are dripping and fingers start to numb. We make it down. Relief.

I prayed for safety. We didn't make the summit. Maybe next time.

The Sad Woman at Giant

Yesterday we went to Giant to buy some Nature's Valley bars for the trip up Kota Kinabalu. At the cashier, a very sad woman was alone behind us in line. She was sad not because she was crying, not that kind of sad, but she was sad in a pitiful sense.

She was around her late thirties and she was dressed in her office clothes. It was 10 pm which meant she must have been working in late. She looked a bit like a gnome and she was very tightly strung. Her shoulders were bunched up and her movements were very jerky, like someone who is angry and about to cry. The worst part was that all she had in her basket were about 10 cans of Campbell's soup.

Holden Caulfield would have been depressed by this and I was too. Here was this woman who looked like she didn't have a partner and wasn't likely to have one. She had been working late, which was normal, and was extremely stressed out and all she would eat for her dinners were Campbell's soup. What type of life is that?

The night before I had dreamed that I was walking around Pusat Sirius. I recognized the place, it was somehow similar to what I remembered but all the rooms were larger, quite like Hogwarts. I was just walking around my old school but I couldn't stop crying. I remember walking through most of the classes, they couldn't see me as if i was invisible, and I recognized many of the people there and through it all there were tears coming out of my eyes and I was helpless to stop it.