A Boy (and his cookies)

Lord, may I never become one.

May I never become a boy? I am not a boy? Not a boy but A-Boy, someone whose main objective in life is to score A's whatever examination it might be.

Oh, I could. With me taking the IGCSE what-cher-may-call-it, full days fly by just studying, something quite alien to me.

Tsk. Tsk.

I'll continue much the way I am. The little imp that waltzes about upsetting toes and having a maniacally good time. A little like the joker maybe, just without the menace and violence. None of that for me.

On a less serious note, but more ominious, Ethan's going back to NS again. He's going back with a couple of tubs of chocolate-chip cookies to buy some more friends. For all his innocent lamb-ness he's either very afraid or milking as much affection and sympathy from us.

No Joy At 5am

I say this proudly. Proudly, but with a bittersweet, disappointed-ness. I watched the Federer-Nadal final live, the final that has had everyone who watched it gushing with shock and awe. The great Federer-Nadal final, or should it be Nadal-Federer?

Nadal won. That doesn't make me happy.

I was in the Federer camp and it was agonizing. The match spanned seven plus hours. Nearly five hours of play and about two hours of rain delay. The match was also truly superb.

But, it wasn't just great tennis, it was superb because of the emotional storm whipped up. In tennis, I am a very ardent supporter of anyone I decide to support. For five hours I was cheering, rooting, praying for Federer to win.

"Come on, Federer"

"Go, Roger"

So I stayed up till 5am and he lost in the end. Bleh.

Amber in a Vase

Today is my moms 45th birthday. So old! I keep getting flashes of the future when all this will be gone and I am living an adult life.

Anyway, because it's her birthday, we all got her a gift. My sister made her two shrinky-dinks earrings and my present to her was a vase. It was an IKEA vase that she had chosen, I wasn't even there when she had bought the vase.

I think she had a fine birthday. For breakfast she was treated to J. Co. Donuts by a friend. For dinner she was taken to a Korean Barbecue (RM50 for a few slices of meat!) by my dad.

Of course, I had to poke her a bit by asking if I could tag along. When she said no (in a kind, don't-want-to-hurt-your feelings-way) I go into self-pity. "I haven't had fine dining for suuuuch a long time."

But I really couldn't go anyway, since today is the deadline for two huge pieces of work, my portfolio and school. I was in cruise control until I found out I had a test to do I had overlooked. So it was rush, rush.

But I did everything on time, then I turned my attention to her present. How do you personalize something that you hadn't bought and that you saw second? It was a vase like a wine bottle. So I decided to fill it up with tea and cork it.

Did that. Gave it to her. But, it ended up with my sister and I drinking her tea.

More Expensive Fuel Please

I am an environmentalist. I am probably the only real environmentalist I know. Like Lisa Simpson in The Simpsons Movie, I go around knocking on doors trying to spread the message and getting those doors slammed in my face.

Fuel prices went up last week from RM1.92 to RM2.70. There are rumours that they might even crank up the meter to RM4 by July. If Malaysia is crying now because of a 78 cent increase, Malaysia will be wailing hysterically when it goes up to RM4.

I don't own a car so I'm not feeling the pinch as everyone else is. I'm not going to own a car anytime soon so I'm not worried about the price going up to RM4. In fact, I'm not worried at all.

My position is that Malaysia has been incredibly selfish. Children who are sheltered and pampered become spoilt. The Malaysian government has been the spoiler parent, covering up its precious rakyat from the terrors of the world market. More expensive fuel? We'll keep the prices low for the people by subsidising it with...the people's money!

My mom says the the increasing fuel prices is BN's vendetta against us. I say that it was bound to happen anyway. I'm actually pleased that fuel prices are going up.

Global Warming is a touchy subject but I believe that it really is real. I believe that it is a problem that has been thrown to humanity to solve. I also believe that it would take something big to change the mindset of people and nations.

Nothing seems to have worked so far. Trying to educate people, tugging at their heartstrings with images of polar bears drowning out of a lack of ice. But money might just do it. If money is the root of all evil, this time it could be the root that makes the broth that saves us.

So that's why I'm actually glad of more expensive oil, because it will force the world to reconsider itself.

Visual Snow

Visual snow is when your vision becomes white, spotty and flecked. Like the effect you get when you look into a bright light and then turn away, just that this time it's white, not blue or red.

I get those quite regularly, its a kind of short migraine. First comes the aura of the impending attack. Then you lose vision as the visual snow freezes in, and while this happens your head throbs, and pulses. I lose control to do anything.

It only lasts about 15 seconds, but its a horrible fifteen seconds. About six months ago it was at its worst. I even fell down once.

Now, I don't get them very often. If I'm honestly honest with myself, there's probably a link between computer and this. It was at its worst when I was using the computer the most. It got better when I cut short the amount of time spent in front of the com.

If I'm going to be so honest with myself it would be divine, I'll tell you there's a direct link between the migraines and computer games. Today, I got up and started on the computer immediately. Now, I'm left with a dull throbbing headache.

Jian Eu, Jian Eu. Very weak teeth, sinus, sleeping problems, migraines, poor eyesight and a perforated eardrum.

Snapping Turtle

Snap! Snap! Snap!

I feel like Harry did in Order of the Phoenix.

Hmphf! I'm an angry little adolescent, my godfather and friends feed me little hints but don't tell me anything substantial. I'll teach them and send Hedwig after them.

Don't mess with me or i'll snap at you with my powerful beak. I'm a snapping turtle with a loud, painful snap and I'm not afraid to use it. In fact, I sometimes snap too often at people when I didn't mean too. I give them wounds which I'm sorry for.

Snap! Snap! Snap!

Those Happy Gays

We took Bingo for obedience training today. It was a group class by the Malaysian Kennel Association and there were all manner of dogs there. Big German Shepherds and tiny Jack Russels. There was a Rottweiler who was raining down slobber. As it panted, down came saliva drops. When its owner took it away, the spot where it had been was dotted with its drool.

I always thought Bing to be beautiful but there were two other American Cockers who were dazzling. Beautifully groomed and with such a shine on their coats. Bings looked so bedraggled in comparison.

One of the Cockers were owned by two men. Yes, yes. Strange that two men who aren't brothers would share a dog. We think that they are gay, since they seem to be real close and a little wierd, as in loving, in their behaviour toward one another.

Strange day.

Zombies and No-Sleep

Lets. See.

Two totally sleepless nights, six months of nightmares, three years of inability to sleep without a night light on and a perpetual fear of ghosts and such that scare me stiff and keep me awake through the night. Thinking, imagining, a black hand creeping from under the bed or a zombie skulking up the stairs.

I have an incredibly real imagination. If you see me sitting still for twenty minutes or so, I'm not really there. I traipse among the stars or go visit heroes of history. I fight orcs or push Frodo into Mount Doom. It's all fine and high during the day, but I turn from hunter to prey at night.

Monsters cut in half crawl and sew themselves back together, then they skulk and stalk me. Pontianaks clatter against the window, seeking a hole to enter through. The night is thick with my fear.

This started a long, long, long time ago. The list at the start is as real as I can remember and started in Taiping. PlayStation 1 was the only PlayStation then, so I was about seven. They, my cousins, were playing Resident Evil. I was scared out of my wits but I stayed and watched with horror, the same horror of a rabbit caught in headlights.

That night left an impression.

I stayed away form any horror after that. The nightmares were horror enough. The challenge was sleeping. Having a light on was fine, but once my eyes closed I was back in the dark. When I didn't sneak into my parent's room, I lay with my eyes open for as long as possible. They would gain weight but I held them up. Soon, I drift into an open eyed sleep and then only would my eyes close.

I still remain cautious regarding horror movies, but there's no lethal poison left in it for me now. At most, maybe a restless night or two. The lights go off but they don't come much anymore. If I suddenly get caught in a spasm of fear, I turn on the light and the shadows fade away.

Black Butt Bingo

My dear lovely dog has got a growth on her butt. It started before she went away and was just a tiny Little pinprick, so that we didn't bother with it. We were much too happy to get her back to worry about a pinprick of blackness.

Leaving for CNY, we first glimpsed the hilarious errrm...thing. She sits and then lifts up her legs so that she is resting on her butt. Then, she uses her front paws to move forward, rubbing her butt as she drags it along. Ta-daa!

Then, the black spot grew. First, the skin underneath the fur grew reddish, the fur would fall out until only a few strand remain and the skin would turn black. Whole areas were colonized rapidly so that a pinprick turned into a spot and into huge patch of lumpy, black, disgusting, populi skin.

I say populi because it is not flat skin, but filled with little hills. Little lumps which, when you squeeze, gives way like a ripe pimple, shooting out a jet of oil/pus. So we set to squeezing. We've squeezed it nearly dry.

Now its still growing, but we've started putting tea tree oil on it and it's getting better. We think it's gotten pinker, but maybe we're just looking through pink colored glasses.

Election Mathcraft

I don't get it. I just don't get at all why everyone is so amazed at the election results. People talk about a political tsunami, but I don't even feel a wave. Not just feel, I don't see anything that amazing.

It just doesn't add up. Barisan Nasional's two-third majority hasn't even been broken. Sure, Opposition came within one or two seats of breaking it, but they didn't break it.

So there is nothing to cheer about.

Three Hundred and Fifty-Six

I killed 356 mosquitos last year (number is accurate by a margin of 10), but I fell 9 short of my goal to kill 1 everyday.

It sounds sick that I count the number of mosquitos I kill, but I'm proud of the number. Not everybody can kill that many.

I love mosquitos. Rather, I love killing mosquitos. Especially when they fly so fast that they become a blur. You reach out and clap your hands together, and found you killed the little sucker.

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Bingo's Back

We got Bingo back, in case you don't already know.

Actually, yesterday we received a call from someone claiming to have her. That was wierd because we got her back almost a week ago.

Happy? New Year

Some sang Old Land Sign. Bottles of wine were popped open to herald the coming of 2008, or probably the end of 2007? Almost everyone participated in the countdown.

Well, I didn't.

I spent my New Year scouring the streets in Taipan (a large commercial area beside my neighborhood) looking for my dog. I spent the last few moments of '07 calling out, "Bingo, Bingo."

I woke up determined to give '07 a worthy sendoff, yet I spent its dying moments cursing it. There was no celebration for me. The ushering in of '08 can hardly be called a "happy" new year, not with Bingo missing.

Actually, I spent the final moments of 2007 next to a pub. I heard the countdown, then the cheers, and then the wishes. I heard and I was disgusted.

Maybe not being part of the fiesta but in a state of grief and guilt let me have a look at the pointlessness of Happy New Years. There is nothing concrete about New Years. The bubble bursts and life comes down flooding back on you.

You make resolutions that you forget by next week. The feel good feeling dissapears by tommorow. Life seems worse than ever.

The first time I had a Sad New Year, I find myself stronger and much more resolute than I have ever been before. It is not in joy, but in pain, that we truly grow. What's the point of feeling good for a night if tommorow the world is worse than ever? What's the use of drinking your troubles away?

Whether the new year is happy or not depends on how you take the pain and joys. Which you notice, and which you overlook. It's how you take it, not what you get, that determines how "happy" a year is.

Wishing you the best in 2008

Lost Dog

Bingo (my dog) is missing. She is probably around the USJ area.

If you see her please call 016-3221679.

This is hardly a joke.

Memo to a Patriot

Fight for you country.

Malaysians must be willing to die for their country if any war is started. No, Malaysians are willing to die for their country.

It is only the great patriotism of our civilians and soldiers that allow to sleep in our beds in peace. It is only the knowledge that we are a great, united nation that keeps us restful. It is only the knowledge that we are willing to die for our country that keeps us peaceful.

Study for you country.

Getting straight A's is very important. We Malaysians must be willing to sacrifice so that they might bring academic glory to Malaysia.

If every student studies hard enough, they will score high enough. Don't push the blame on anything else, especially not the government. It is all the students fault if they do not achieve top marks, they didn't study enough.

Work for you country.

Work with an eye on the profits. Money is everything. Work hard to bring riches to Malaysia, which will be used for the benefit of the people of Malaysia.

It is important to work with sincerity, especially do not go snooping around as that is insincere. Mind your own business and pay your taxes, that is all that matters.

Peaceful for you country.

Do not join in illegal activities if the government does not back them. Do not disturb others in Malaysia. Be keepers, not disturbers, of the peace.

It is not the Asian way to demonstrate in riots and perform acts of civil disobedience. Asians sit at home and accept the pain. It is only westerners like Ghandi who call for acts of defing the govvernment.

Not quite the end.

Notes:

This was written in a surge of patriotism after the author returned from horrible, backwater Singapore. The author is proud of his country after comparing the two.

In Johor Bahru, no cars stopped to let an old man cross the road. In Singapore, a car braked to allow an old man cross.