Visual Snow

Visual snow is when your vision becomes white, spotty and flecked. Like the effect you get when you look into a bright light and then turn away, just that this time it's white, not blue or red.

I get those quite regularly, its a kind of short migraine. First comes the aura of the impending attack. Then you lose vision as the visual snow freezes in, and while this happens your head throbs, and pulses. I lose control to do anything.

It only lasts about 15 seconds, but its a horrible fifteen seconds. About six months ago it was at its worst. I even fell down once.

Now, I don't get them very often. If I'm honestly honest with myself, there's probably a link between computer and this. It was at its worst when I was using the computer the most. It got better when I cut short the amount of time spent in front of the com.

If I'm going to be so honest with myself it would be divine, I'll tell you there's a direct link between the migraines and computer games. Today, I got up and started on the computer immediately. Now, I'm left with a dull throbbing headache.

Jian Eu, Jian Eu. Very weak teeth, sinus, sleeping problems, migraines, poor eyesight and a perforated eardrum.

Snapping Turtle

Snap! Snap! Snap!

I feel like Harry did in Order of the Phoenix.

Hmphf! I'm an angry little adolescent, my godfather and friends feed me little hints but don't tell me anything substantial. I'll teach them and send Hedwig after them.

Don't mess with me or i'll snap at you with my powerful beak. I'm a snapping turtle with a loud, painful snap and I'm not afraid to use it. In fact, I sometimes snap too often at people when I didn't mean too. I give them wounds which I'm sorry for.

Snap! Snap! Snap!

Those Happy Gays

We took Bingo for obedience training today. It was a group class by the Malaysian Kennel Association and there were all manner of dogs there. Big German Shepherds and tiny Jack Russels. There was a Rottweiler who was raining down slobber. As it panted, down came saliva drops. When its owner took it away, the spot where it had been was dotted with its drool.

I always thought Bing to be beautiful but there were two other American Cockers who were dazzling. Beautifully groomed and with such a shine on their coats. Bings looked so bedraggled in comparison.

One of the Cockers were owned by two men. Yes, yes. Strange that two men who aren't brothers would share a dog. We think that they are gay, since they seem to be real close and a little wierd, as in loving, in their behaviour toward one another.

Strange day.

Zombies and No-Sleep

Lets. See.

Two totally sleepless nights, six months of nightmares, three years of inability to sleep without a night light on and a perpetual fear of ghosts and such that scare me stiff and keep me awake through the night. Thinking, imagining, a black hand creeping from under the bed or a zombie skulking up the stairs.

I have an incredibly real imagination. If you see me sitting still for twenty minutes or so, I'm not really there. I traipse among the stars or go visit heroes of history. I fight orcs or push Frodo into Mount Doom. It's all fine and high during the day, but I turn from hunter to prey at night.

Monsters cut in half crawl and sew themselves back together, then they skulk and stalk me. Pontianaks clatter against the window, seeking a hole to enter through. The night is thick with my fear.

This started a long, long, long time ago. The list at the start is as real as I can remember and started in Taiping. PlayStation 1 was the only PlayStation then, so I was about seven. They, my cousins, were playing Resident Evil. I was scared out of my wits but I stayed and watched with horror, the same horror of a rabbit caught in headlights.

That night left an impression.

I stayed away form any horror after that. The nightmares were horror enough. The challenge was sleeping. Having a light on was fine, but once my eyes closed I was back in the dark. When I didn't sneak into my parent's room, I lay with my eyes open for as long as possible. They would gain weight but I held them up. Soon, I drift into an open eyed sleep and then only would my eyes close.

I still remain cautious regarding horror movies, but there's no lethal poison left in it for me now. At most, maybe a restless night or two. The lights go off but they don't come much anymore. If I suddenly get caught in a spasm of fear, I turn on the light and the shadows fade away.

Black Butt Bingo

My dear lovely dog has got a growth on her butt. It started before she went away and was just a tiny Little pinprick, so that we didn't bother with it. We were much too happy to get her back to worry about a pinprick of blackness.

Leaving for CNY, we first glimpsed the hilarious errrm...thing. She sits and then lifts up her legs so that she is resting on her butt. Then, she uses her front paws to move forward, rubbing her butt as she drags it along. Ta-daa!

Then, the black spot grew. First, the skin underneath the fur grew reddish, the fur would fall out until only a few strand remain and the skin would turn black. Whole areas were colonized rapidly so that a pinprick turned into a spot and into huge patch of lumpy, black, disgusting, populi skin.

I say populi because it is not flat skin, but filled with little hills. Little lumps which, when you squeeze, gives way like a ripe pimple, shooting out a jet of oil/pus. So we set to squeezing. We've squeezed it nearly dry.

Now its still growing, but we've started putting tea tree oil on it and it's getting better. We think it's gotten pinker, but maybe we're just looking through pink colored glasses.

Election Mathcraft

I don't get it. I just don't get at all why everyone is so amazed at the election results. People talk about a political tsunami, but I don't even feel a wave. Not just feel, I don't see anything that amazing.

It just doesn't add up. Barisan Nasional's two-third majority hasn't even been broken. Sure, Opposition came within one or two seats of breaking it, but they didn't break it.

So there is nothing to cheer about.

Three Hundred and Fifty-Six

I killed 356 mosquitos last year (number is accurate by a margin of 10), but I fell 9 short of my goal to kill 1 everyday.

It sounds sick that I count the number of mosquitos I kill, but I'm proud of the number. Not everybody can kill that many.

I love mosquitos. Rather, I love killing mosquitos. Especially when they fly so fast that they become a blur. You reach out and clap your hands together, and found you killed the little sucker.

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Bingo's Back

We got Bingo back, in case you don't already know.

Actually, yesterday we received a call from someone claiming to have her. That was wierd because we got her back almost a week ago.

Happy? New Year

Some sang Old Land Sign. Bottles of wine were popped open to herald the coming of 2008, or probably the end of 2007? Almost everyone participated in the countdown.

Well, I didn't.

I spent my New Year scouring the streets in Taipan (a large commercial area beside my neighborhood) looking for my dog. I spent the last few moments of '07 calling out, "Bingo, Bingo."

I woke up determined to give '07 a worthy sendoff, yet I spent its dying moments cursing it. There was no celebration for me. The ushering in of '08 can hardly be called a "happy" new year, not with Bingo missing.

Actually, I spent the final moments of 2007 next to a pub. I heard the countdown, then the cheers, and then the wishes. I heard and I was disgusted.

Maybe not being part of the fiesta but in a state of grief and guilt let me have a look at the pointlessness of Happy New Years. There is nothing concrete about New Years. The bubble bursts and life comes down flooding back on you.

You make resolutions that you forget by next week. The feel good feeling dissapears by tommorow. Life seems worse than ever.

The first time I had a Sad New Year, I find myself stronger and much more resolute than I have ever been before. It is not in joy, but in pain, that we truly grow. What's the point of feeling good for a night if tommorow the world is worse than ever? What's the use of drinking your troubles away?

Whether the new year is happy or not depends on how you take the pain and joys. Which you notice, and which you overlook. It's how you take it, not what you get, that determines how "happy" a year is.

Wishing you the best in 2008

Lost Dog

Bingo (my dog) is missing. She is probably around the USJ area.

If you see her please call 016-3221679.

This is hardly a joke.

Memo to a Patriot

Fight for you country.

Malaysians must be willing to die for their country if any war is started. No, Malaysians are willing to die for their country.

It is only the great patriotism of our civilians and soldiers that allow to sleep in our beds in peace. It is only the knowledge that we are a great, united nation that keeps us restful. It is only the knowledge that we are willing to die for our country that keeps us peaceful.

Study for you country.

Getting straight A's is very important. We Malaysians must be willing to sacrifice so that they might bring academic glory to Malaysia.

If every student studies hard enough, they will score high enough. Don't push the blame on anything else, especially not the government. It is all the students fault if they do not achieve top marks, they didn't study enough.

Work for you country.

Work with an eye on the profits. Money is everything. Work hard to bring riches to Malaysia, which will be used for the benefit of the people of Malaysia.

It is important to work with sincerity, especially do not go snooping around as that is insincere. Mind your own business and pay your taxes, that is all that matters.

Peaceful for you country.

Do not join in illegal activities if the government does not back them. Do not disturb others in Malaysia. Be keepers, not disturbers, of the peace.

It is not the Asian way to demonstrate in riots and perform acts of civil disobedience. Asians sit at home and accept the pain. It is only westerners like Ghandi who call for acts of defing the govvernment.

Not quite the end.

Notes:

This was written in a surge of patriotism after the author returned from horrible, backwater Singapore. The author is proud of his country after comparing the two.

In Johor Bahru, no cars stopped to let an old man cross the road. In Singapore, a car braked to allow an old man cross.

Your Presence, Not Your Presents

The Christmas tree is up, assorted with hand painted ceramic angels and santarinas. Ribbons hang from it, golden lights string it, and right at the top is Woofie (soft toy dog) with a ribbon around her/his neck.

It's a little different from our normal tree, on which everything that passess as an assortment is thrown on it. This year we have a theme. This year we won't have presents.

I won't be around here for Christmas. I won't be giving out any pesents, and I don't expect to receive any.

So, no presents for me. Please, please, please don't get me anything.

Vu Deja Vu Deja

I set out to have lots of fun. I set out knowing I would have fun. I would enjoy every moment the way I enjoy every lick of an ice cream. There would be no need for sleep. My laughs would keep me awake.

But Maxwell Hill 2 was the same as number one. It wasn't even half as fun as number one. It was deja vu gone wrong, screwed up, messed up.

Going on a trip expecting to have loads of fun is probably the one way not to. The trip was suicided by our attitude and by our reason for going. Fun just isn't nearly a good enough reason.

Throughout the trip, it was as if we had done everything before. The train ride was not novel, neither was climbing up Maxwell Hill. Without the freshness, there just wasn't excitement. No excitement, no fun.

By the middle of the trip, I was wishing to come home.

The trip had sad incidents. I kicked someone till he cried. We saw a man whack a boy in McDonald's. We lost a friend. We got irritated by some of the people we expected to laugh along with.

The group split into two. The Handphone Gang didn't care much for cards, human interaction, or board games. Getting the highest score at Jaws! was much more important. The Handphone Gang didn't care for Taboo since it didn't involve talking about hidden parts of the human anatomy. The person I kicked till he cried was from the Handphone Gang.

But what got us most was two sibling's who are too close to each other and a friend who has changed too much to remain friends anymore.

We had hormones, we had witticisms. We just didn't have any fun.

I could barely stay awake.

Let It Rain. Let It Rain. Let It Rain.

Torture.

Torture.

Somebody who likes to make cynical observations will say that we will enjoy anticipating Maxwell Hill 2 more than the trip itself.

It was a shock to find out that the trip was less than two weeks away. Then, even the weeks went and we counted by days. Only four days left!

Four days, three days, tomorrow, we dropped the days and went for hours. 48 hours, 24 hours. Now we're less than five hours away.

If this were a book, the character would have sworn the clock was moving slower. The DOTA game! Bohnanza! I packed my bag this morning. So did quite a few others. Five days of endless playing and frolicking. Considering how slow time stretches on, it seems to boundless, endless.

Yet, the most realistic person in our EYAA group (His name starts with an E) remarks that it will all be over before we even know it. Sounds like a bad thing, but it just proves how much fun we expect to have, we know we will have.

Torture.

Torture.

The Cold that Traveled

I have a cold. I am breathing through one nostril because the other is blocked. Earlier, I was breathing through my mouth because both nostrils were blocked.

This is extremely sad because I battled with a sinus problem for the better part of this year. Sleeping on two pillows and having trouble hearing what everyone else was talking about, all in a day's work.

But, it cleared, eventually, and I was happy. I had my time under the sun. Only to be afflicted again.

I blame Ethan, I blame Bangkok.

Yes, it all started with Ethan in Bangkok. Goodness knows how he got the disease, but he passed it along. From Ethan to A. Sook Ching to Elliot. Eventually, reaching me.

From Bangkok to KL, Thailand to Malaysia, this flu has traveled. Five people down so far, spanning three families and two countries.

I know it's unsavory to wish ill on people, but I am already looking on with anticipation at how many more will fall.

It may not be bird flu, but it means just as much to me.